Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
