I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
It's blow job season.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
