I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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