I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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