I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
