can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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