party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
