1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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