you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
