these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
