so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
