So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
we're making bets on your personal life
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I don't deserve a penis
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
