she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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