we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
They are going to name an STD after you.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
