evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i just google imaged poop.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
