Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
