the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize