so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
We're too hungover to prance.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
