Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
