I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
