cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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