He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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