Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
