At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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