apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
