Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
