doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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