Life is so much better after having sex.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Randomize
