Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
