What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Randomize
