I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
