After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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