is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
