Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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