I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
