imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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