Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
