HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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