I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
