Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
