we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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