You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Randomize
