Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
