I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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