On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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