Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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