I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
