my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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