from now on my penis is your penis
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
