we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Randomize
