i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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