I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
