Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
