Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He shit in the fireplace
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
