I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Floor bacon is actually really good
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
