So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
