How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
