This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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