So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
