i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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