I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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