Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
