Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
