I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
