she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize