I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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