Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Randomize
