Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I am full of burrito and curiosity
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
