i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
