I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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