there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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