U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
