Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
