Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
