Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Four minutes until I can fart!
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
