just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
