I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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