I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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