first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
