Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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