If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
