yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
