I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Randomize
